You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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