why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i wish my penis had a tongue
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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