It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
