Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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