I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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