I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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