I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
