this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
