i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i would punch a child for taco bell
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
