remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
