I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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