Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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