I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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