he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
