they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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