I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
