I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
FUCK WHALES
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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