uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Found your dick twin last night
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
