i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
