He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
