you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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