She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
