why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize