I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
