I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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