She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
