weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I need water and some morals
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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