M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
