The maid of honor just puked.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize