So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
