If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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