Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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