I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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