My underwear smells like fireworks.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
