Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
