you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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