You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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