I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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