you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
