you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
