His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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