So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
