you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
