It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
