My hair reeks of homosexuality.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
