did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
