Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
