this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he thought i was a dude.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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