I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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