I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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