got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
