Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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