just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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