At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
