Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
