My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
