I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
