I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
