Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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