Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
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