I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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