I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
