WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
