His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
