Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
