I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
