I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
