Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
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She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
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It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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